Surely, how do I bang you
with Trojan, Durex, Lifestyles or Beyond Seven, brands of condoms that cost
over 250 shillings when you had ngumu mbili and strong tea for
breakfast!
 |
| Luo Ladies in a Gor Mahia match |
“There
are cultures, and then there is the culture. The culture which is Lupita,
Daniel Adongo; the only Kenyan Playing American football, but do we say…” this
lofty statement is still etched in the minds of many. It is all from that
community that sets the trend on how to eat life with a big spoon. They got a
taste of class and a sense of pride, their men live life largely and fully,
they spend enormously on themselves and on their ladies' and ladies'
companions.
This
culture produces a true definition of a woman in structure. Apart from Wafulas,
which other tribe would give a Luo chic a run for their money when it comes to
butts. You know they are booty, voluptuous, and high spirited. The quest for an
AssMatic lady stops with landing in Kisumu. The problem only sets in when all
the fundamentals get checked and the lady turns out with face for Kibaki.
Luo
ladies stick to their men like paste the moment they think affection is buzzing
around. Anyhow don't you set out take a gander at an alternate lady! She will
have you and the other lady by the neck. They are territorial. To get them, you
need to have class. On the off chance that you drive a Probox, she will dump
you like spoiled soil grown foods. Speak impeccable English with an adjusted
twang; huge words she rarely would comprehend and make a deep rooted effect;
Meet her out at tasteful restaurants with a bit of elegance. Risk satisfying
all these and by the fourth date, you will recognize not just her undergarments
in your closet but a whole suit case. She has moved in.
But
what is it that makes Luo men (not as in Luo by mere tribe, Luo by culture,
thought and swagga) not attracted any more to these round bottom Ladies with
clamor for perfection? Illusive life, that’s what! It really sucks. Firstly, on
a date they would tell you fabricated tall tales of which celebrities and
corporate honchos are hitting on them; the huge amount his X-boyfriend spent on
her last month; the fake trips she was supposed to make to Costa Del Sol,
Istanbul and Bodrum; show you photoshopped images of their home in Runda. Dude,
this chic comes from Kondele in Kisumu and cohabits with other 3 ladies in a 10
by 6 single room somewhere in Zimmerman.
Secondly,
so notable a fact is that few hot Luo ladies exist in the City. The few that
roam Nairobi have their hair not fit for eye consumption, and nails slightly
better than those of “Mama wa kufua” (Laundry woman). Their lips mostly
are as a rule dry and are consistent casualties of fashion disasters. You
remember the first Tujuane episode that went viral, Eda Atieno she was, oh,
Poor girl! Perfect illustration.
Luo
ladies will raise the bar so high for you despising your efforts to afford a 2
bedroom in Buru buru Estate. She comes to a date on a bus fair of Ksh. 30 and
expects to be taken back in a cab. Surely, how do I bang you with Trojan,
Durex, Lifestyles or Beyond Seven, brands of condoms that cost over 250
shillings when you had ngumu mbili and strong tea for breakfast!
They
send you ‘please call me’ ask you for cheap airtime worth 50 bob. Borrow meager
amounts like 200bob from you and are so loud cheering at Njoki chege’s
perpetual rants about men in blue Subaru. Surely who wants to be around ladies
with this crass materialism and illusive, fantasy oriented kind of life. Luo
ladies need to parker up.
Finally,
they are lacking in etiquette; are annoyingly loud and have careless walking
styles. Their accentuated diction makes you curse why Kiswahili was made a
national language. (Ni powa tu!). A lady should be calm and tactful in
steps and actions not leaving careless marks everywhere she passes.
